One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.

Fear isn't what scares, it's reality that does scare

A meaningful relationship between two people cannot sustain itself only in the present tense.

Love is the biggest mystery of the universe. But why try to solve it, when one simply view it for what it is and marvel at the wonders and strangeness it brings?

On the sound of handcuffs--"For me it's the sound of all light and hope crashing down on a minority.

I intended an Ode, And it turned to a Sonnet.

The truth is always more powerful and stronger than love, because the love becomes powerless in the absence of the truth.

I can assure you that there is no question of us throwing away the tradition of the Grammar Schools.

Matt Le Tissier had firm views about Austria's reluctance to allow Turkey full membership of the EU last Saturday, I seem to recall.

The greatest obstacle to progress is not man's inherited pugnacity, but his incorrigible tendency to parasitism.