One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

Whenever you hear a politician carry on about what a mess the schools are, be aware that you are looking at the culprit.

It's cool to have critical success because it's always nice for your peers to say, 'Good job.' But who cares about them?

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

It's really hard not to think too much. If I try to control the sled too much so that I have perfect lines, I'm really slow.

Because you're not thinking about existence and being, you're not really thinking at all.

I didn't become successful until I became myself

Problems are messages.

There will be a report coming out, and my name will be on it.

The more divided people of color are in a system of white supremacy/privilege, the weaker they will be, both individually and collectively.

To Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love All pray in their distress, And to these virtues of delight Return their thankfulness.