One, two, ... five!" "Three, my lord.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.

We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

Camelot is a silly place.

I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam and Spam!

Always look on the bright side of life.

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.

You do not own the molecules. They are stardust. They belong to God. What you do own is your soul. Nobody can take that away from you.

And yes, we do have some food. Maybe you'd like to join us? Unless you want to stick with your sheep sushi.

Things in Arizona don’t just die

Friendship is essentially a partnership.

This is a universal human dream - that brains, not brawn, will rule - and the fact that America has the world's finest institutions of higher education may be our greatest single national asset.

How children learn to use diverse sources of efficacy information in developing a stable and accurate sense of personal efficacy is a matter of considerable interest

You can (be a middle-aged comic) if you work very hard at it, because comedy is really hard.

... how much of our inner substance is it good for us to give to public griefs? The whole modern tendency to agonize over the suffering of the entire globe is surely something new.

We get used to things, and we like reading the way we're used to reading.

It always stimulates me to discover new examples of my own prejudice and stupidity, to realize that I don't know half as much as I think I do.