Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Patriotism requires less and less of making the eagle scream, but more and more of making him think.

If you look at my eyes when I'm dancing, you'll see that glazed look.

Everyone judges constantly: positively judging one person is the same as negatively judging everyone else; it is to say that that person is superior in some sense.

I like necklaces that are short, the way skateboarders used to wear them in the seventies.

Oh my God, no, no chance, no chance. That [kissing her co-stars]s not in my contract!

Because I believe actually the more you do something, the less frightening it becomes because you start to realize the outcome is not as important as you think.

God's leaders should be motivated by humility and love.

The World Has Divided into Rich and Poor as at No Time in History

You go to work the next day pretending nothing happened. Your co-workers ask if everything's okay and you tell them you're just tired. And you're trying to smile. And they're trying to smile.

The more wishes you make, the more magnificent Fantasia will become.