Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

...There's a difference between desire and desperation. You should never want a guy more than he wants you.

You are not broken. You are not a problem to be solved. Solving your “problem”, whatever you perceive your problem or problems to be, is not the key to happiness.

I so wish life also had the option of undo making it easier to deal with things you erred. I would have gone back in time to undo every mistake of mine, for which I have paid a very heavy price.

Dying is the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to you, because someone's got to take care of all your details.

Let silence be your general rule; or say only what is necessary and in few words.

From a strictly economic point of view, buying gold in a major inflation and holding it probably presents the least risk of capital loss of any investment or speculation.

We don't want any vocalist messing up the music.

Hollywood style means classic glamour. My reference is the 1940s through the 1960s.

You may have the loftiest goals, the highest ideals, the noblest dreams, but remember this nothing works unless you do.

I think that the economics of book publishing favor hits with long book runs. You make all your money on the last bunch of books, not the first.