Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

If life is a bowl of cherries, what's inside of it?

Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling

If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway

Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what

He will rattle your cage and then break your heart.

The fearful seek to serve themselves by mastering the world, while the fearless seek to serve the world by mastering themselves.

A heart's a heavy burden.

Don't try to touch my heart, it's darker than you think. And don't try to read my mind, because it's full of disappearing ink.

There's no thrill like throwing a touchdown pass.

You get your chips your way, I'll get my chips mine.

Whose order is shut inside the structure of a sentence?

Mark Twain is as big as America. He really is.

If it's too silly to be said, it can always be sung.

I am never, never, sick at sea. What never? No never! What never? Hardly ever.