Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

Nostalgia is a lane of calm comfort, charming even a complacent heart!

If I were a blind man and were told by you that you possess a faculty called sight, I should be unreasonable if I railed at you as a conceited enthusiast.

It is easier for a libertarian to attack the science of global warming than to alter one's core libertarian beliefs.

I love a lot of reggae, but Ive never had the opportunity to play with any reggae guys.

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.

Execute their airy purposes.

Humor is the most important thing in life. It trumps everything else and it's the only thing that helps me deal with everything else.

I was the editor of the News of the World; I was the editor of the Sun and chief executive.

We cannot take a step toward the heavens. God crosses the universe and comes to us.

Flying solo, you have a fair workload. I'm not only flying the balloon but doing the navigation, communications, repairing the burners, taking care of the equipment.