Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Memory has always been social. Now we’re using search engines and computers to augment our memories, too.

Death comes as it pleases

I will accept the results when the election is free and clean. I cannot accept fraud.

There are now about as many different varieties of letters as there are different kinds of fools.

Refuse to be cynical. Refuse to think that things can never change.

So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.

When you get to heaven, you will wish you were in hell.

I took cooking classes when I was younger; girls weren't interested in me, and I thought I may be alone for the rest of my life.

Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the antifragile gets better.

Cars are necessary, but take a more humble one. Think of how many children die of hunger and dedicate the savings to them.