Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Don't allow him/her to have supremacy over you. People like them come and go, so never concede on finding the ideal soul-mate.

Work harder than anybody you've ever seen. That's what I believe.

A city with one newspaper... is like a man with one eye, and often the eye is glass.

I think Balanchine and Robbins talk to God and when I call, he's out to lunch.

When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is news.

The wealthy seldom possess wealth: oftener they are possessed by it.

Truth [comes only] from those ... who cultivate their reason.

I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears.

I wish we didn't live so far apart... You're kind of addicting.

I cannot be angry at God, in whom I do not believe.