Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It's like he was Newt Gingrich.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Some words may make you happy, some may make you said. Maybe some will make you angry. What I hope. . . what I hope is that something will whisper in your ear.

The day I met you is the day by which all others will be measured. — Levi Ian Bryson

The trend is your friend except at the end where it bends.

You know the marathon in my country is just exceptional. It's like soccer in England. If England win the world cup and Ethiopia win the marathon - it's the same.

If you need ownership and responsibility from core workers, patriarchy can't get you there.

I'm very fortunate to have the privilege of working with directors like Bill Condon and Paul Thomas Anderson, who I think is one of the greatest filmmakers of our time.

I'd love to be [one of MacGyver's buddies]. I'd watch that one and just think, wow, what a life. Living in Hawaii, driving around in someone's Ferrari, and solving mysteries.

It's better to leave them wanting more than to be the show where people are like, "Oh, that's still on the air?"

A poor creature who has said or done nothing worth a serious man taking the trouble of remembering.

Men are socialized to trust women until evidence to the contrary surfaces; women are socialized to be suspicious of men until an individual man earns trust.