Our whole wedding cost 180 bucks. Afterward, we re-heated lasagna for everyone and set off fireworks.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

Lying is an art, if you can convince yourself with lie, then you are a master.

Humans are fascinated by emotional material. We are always intrigued by the news and tragic events that are covered in the TV, radio, and newspapers.

The jealousy and evilness are like worms, that destroy the soul.

Outside, he had a sudden feeling that at moments there was too much light for human eyes. It caused men to feel weak and befuddled.

In the garden I will die. In the rosebush they will kill me.

The Righteous Salaf were as fearful of their good deeds being squandered, or not being accepted, as the present generation is certain that their neglect would be forgiven.

I remember I did think, 'Wouldn't it be nice if Mr Right moved in next door?'

When your love is pure or spiritual, there is no demand, no expectation. There is only the sweetest feeling of spontaneous oneness with the human being or beings concerned.

Suffering is our call to attention, our call to investigate the truth of our beliefs.

A strange thing has happened, do you know? I am in darkness. There is a person who, departing, took away the sun.