Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!

All men are sculptors, constantly chipping away the unwanted parts of their lives, trying to create their idea of their masterpiece.

Anything you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.

The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice.

You can't let the good things people say make you feel too good, because you're going to let the bad things make you feel bad.

If you're an artist like a really, really long time, it stops being a performance. I'm not performing anymore. I reveal myself to the audience... I show you some of me. It's not a show no more.

How can you do the moonwalk and ask a woman to dance? Hey baby lets dance... cya later!

I've always had confidence. It came because I have lots of initiative. I wanted to make something of myself.

The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people

I started out as an impressionist and that’s all about observing, how people move, their voice quality, their attitudes and quirks.

It was amazing how many books one could fit into a room, assuming one didn't want to move around very much.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

No matter how much money, fame, and fortune you have, it doesn't mean sh** if it's not connected with love.

My dad didn't graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year. My mom sold real estate and did it part time.

Painters have always needed a sort of veil upon which they can focus their attention. It's as though the more fully the consciousness is absorbed, the greater the freedom of the spirit behind

If anybody else says it's like old times, I'll jump out the window.

I hope there is nothing about me that people have a big problem with. You know, I like to think of myself as lovable.

I've never found a client's business problem that could be solved solely through advertising.

I'll tolerate you until I can replace you.

With people's revolutionary rage, the king will be ousted and a democratic state, Islamic Republic, will be established.