PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

No one is exempt from the rule that learning occurs through recognition of error.

Whenever the world throws rose petals at you, which thrill and seduce the ego, beware.

When you allow yourself to be unpredictable, you step from the known into the unknown, where anything is possible

A valuable qualification of a modern politician seems to be a capacity for concealing or explaining away the truth.

You'd be surprised to know how many heartaches, how many bitter disappointments, how many disasters that seem final when they come, we learn to survive and in time even to forget.

A mediocre person tells. A good person explains. A superior person demonstrates. A great person inspires others to see for themselves.

It seems to me that readers sometimes make the genesis of a poem more mysterious than it is (by that I perhaps mean, think of it as something outside their own experience)

I care what is actually true, even more than what I hope is true.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

The time has come to recover the valiant courage of our forefathers, who understood that faith and freedom are inseparable, and that they are worth fighting for.