PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man.

The Internet contains everything in the whole wide world ever. I don’t know about you, but I find everything in the whole wide world ever to be a bit distracting.

I am the complete and utter definition of a Luddite.

We're going to get gored to death by a feral fugging hog and your best strategy is to pretend it's a grizzly bear?

Don't ask me who my favourite monster was because I'm sick of saying Tom Baker.

I love great music - it has no color, it has no boundaries.

A lot of people want to keep country music in the minority of people. But it belongs to the world. It's art.

Obama doesn't want to be called the deporter-in-chief.

Inspection with the aim of finding the bad ones and throwing them out is too late, ineffective, and costly. Quality comes not from inspection but from improvement of the process.