PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place.

I’m good at doing things I’m not supposed to, ” she said, then kicked the door open.

Love can be a very frightening thing.”“That is why most great love stories are tragedies.

When something is such a creative medium as the web, the limits to it are our imagination.

How much is a chocolate boyfriend - can I have one?

That's why I like fast film. It gives you more freedom to light more naturally.

William Hartnell was one of the great unsung character actors of his time

A person supporting [Donald]Trump likes Trump. And I think they would say the same about me.

Sometimes being young and confident is better than being old with experience...when I was young I wasn't scared about anything

Let's not be afraid to speak the common sense truth: you can't have high standards without good discipline.