PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Maybe it was me, " Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

We can reach a global harmony if we remove xenophobia

how do I stop hurting the people who love me and how do I stop getting hurt by the people I love?

To ensure marital bliss, a man needs to be 1.09 times taller than his partner.

Nobody deserves this much money - certainly not an actor.

Mathematical studies may serve for a pleasant entertainment for those hours which young men are apt to throw away upon their vices.

It puts a smile on my face to see all the children, and all the teenagers, and the adults - the demographics - it makes my heart very, very happy. I love them. I love all the fans, very much.

Our differences are our strength as a species and as a world community.

I started my music career at 18 and for a long while I let other people handle my affairs.

Learning patience takes a lot of patience!