PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Stick in and do my best.

In the field of sports you are more or less accepted for what you do rather than what you are.

I was that kind of kid that was going to the movies every weekend, I couldnt get enough of the movies, and now I get to make them. So I kind of have a one-track mind.

The reality is, some people don't want you to change or go anywhere different.

I am good at down grading - I have found I can live the same lifestyle in a two-bedroom apartment as in a five-bedroom house.

[On being deaf:] We must struggle for whatever may be had, without encroaching on the comfort of others.

Just know that someone out there always has it worst, and you should try to realize that there really is a lot to look forward to

I'm a rich man. To have everything you need is the definition of affluence.

Behold a worthy sight, to which the God, turning his attention to his own work, may direct his gaze. Behold an equal thing, worthy of a God, a brave man matched in conflict with evil fortune.

Indecision is a form of self-abuse - be ready to step up!