PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, or scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged!

An era can be considered over when its basic illusions have been exhausted.

I want to go to New Zealand. I have no idea what it's like, and in my head, everyone lives in/on an ice lake, so I'd like to come stay.

Never say anything that, down inside, you think is wrong.

There is one "right answer" to any question, and it is in the book to be read.

I've always embraced failure as a noble pursuit. It allows you to be anti whatever anyone wants you to be, and to break all the rules.

The 'Church' is ... catholic because her communion embraces the whole human race.

In comparing religious belief to science, I try to remember that science is belief also.

The only people who have trouble with poetry are the people who link it with literature. It's much more akin to mountain-walking, and dancing by yourself at 2 A.M.

I'm an American, I don't have to see something to know it's stupid!