POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

PHOTOGRAPHY is the best way, where you can SAVE your sweet PAST.

I kept running until someone saw the chase and hid me inside their house.

Ultimate satisfaction is found not in making much of ourselves but in making much of God

Day of the Lord, as all our days should be!

The visible universe was an illusion or, more precisely, a sophism. Mirrors and fatherhood are abominable because they multiply it and extend it.

I would definitely line up for 'The Lord of the Rings.' I'm a huge 'Lord of the Rings' geek.

I was totally absorbed. I was in another world, or another dimension; all sense of time evaporated.

All of West Ham's away victories have come on opponents' territory this season

To me a guitar is kind of like a woman. You don't know why you like 'em but you do.

We few. We happy few. We band of brothers, for he today That sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother.