PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I've never seen beauty so devastatingas in the linesthat trace our hopeand fall from the stars.

You need a high degree of corruption or a very big heart to love absolutely everything

Modern education has devoted itself to the teaching of impudence, and then we complain that we can no longer control our mobs.

A man without a bias cannot write interesting history - if indeed such a man exists.

I’m never going to be considered brave for playing a straight person, and nor should I be.

No nation has ever failed to prosper when its people put God first and their country second

I think that a lot of the money - these big bills - is used to facilitate tax evasion and crime.

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

But it’s like Cherise says, the hardest ones to love are always the ones who need it most. (Aimee)

Listen, I didn't know how to make coffee when I came to the United States. Because in Colombia the maids do it.