Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

God pity the poor novelist.

There are friends, but they are people to spend time with, not people to share time with.

An artist cannot fail; it is a success to be one.

How about that oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. And you know, the oil slick is going everywhere. So the next time somebody lands on the Hudson, it won't be that big a deal.

When late I attempted your pity to move, Why seemed you so deaf to my prayers? Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love But-why did you kick me downstairs?

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

If I want to be a loving, generous, giving person, I'm not going to test the waters. I'm simply going to be a loving, generous, giving person.

Manufacturing and commercial monopolies owe their origin not to a tendency imminent in a capitalist economy but to governmental interventionist policy directed against free trade and laissez faire.

Every suit I wear is custom-made by a guy named Waraire Boswell in L.A.

There is peace and rest and comfort in sorrow