Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you

We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.

Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?

Let's call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.

Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!

Alone also means available for someone outstanding.

One should not confuse creativity with whining.

Every fresh act of benevolence is the herald of deeper satisfaction; every charitable act a stepping-stone towards heaven.

The important thing about groupthink is that it works not so much by censoring dissent as by making dissent seem somehow improbable.

It was apparent that many of the speeds used in the estimates were too large. The scale guiding wind speeds wasn't in tune with reality.

I am a straightforward man.

For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think.

The greatest source of discouragement is the conviction that one is unable to do something

We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream.

I say to you: Make perfect your will. / I say: take no thought of the harvest, / But only of proper sowing.

The idol of today pushes the hero of yesterday out of our recollection; and will, in turn, be supplanted by his successor of tomorrow.