Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

If life is a bowl of cherries, what's inside of it?

If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway

Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what

If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse

If I learned something it was the ride of life, it is fun and crazy.

In dreams begins responsibility in life

Moral failure occurs when people lose focus and gradually drift off the path.

I don't have perfect pitch, but I have relative pitch. I'm glad I don't have perfect pitch because perfect pitch can drive you crazy.

It was when I was happiest that I longed most...The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing...to find the place where all the beauty came from.

Making love to a fat woman sure is a treat, because I'm here to tell you that meat hold heat.

The things you used to own, now they own you.

I guess Ziggy would have been the perfect vehicle to have done with.

You know the sultans used to light their garden parties with turtles? They'd put candles on their backs and let them wander around. Hundreds of them.

I've done so many dramas in my life, and people don't even know I came from comedy.