Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man; good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

War is a series of catastrophes which result in victory.

If a nation wants to live in peace with its neighbors, it doesn't keep rattling the saber at them.

Like dogs who sniff each other when meeting, chess players have a ritual at first acquaintance: they sit down to play speed chess.

When you have children, that's when your relationship really gets tested.

I have a bad habit of picking up books about drugs, but that's better than having a drug habit, I think.

Me"? I know a lot of "me's," actually, so which one are you?

If you're not lost, you're not much of an explorer.

Losing my faith was the most spiritual thing that ever happened to me.

I don't want to have to be pretty. I don't want to have to be adorable.

Without an educated populace, democracy cannot sustain itself.