Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage.

It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

No one's dream job involves a kiosk.

Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'

My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.

My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.

Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.

But I talk to you as I talk to my own soul, " he said, turning me to face him. He reached up and cupped my cheek, fingers light on my temple."And, Sassenach, " he whispered, "your face is my heart.

You know what they say about hope, it breeds eternal misery

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.

It is ourselves that we must spread under Christ's feet, not coats nor lifeless branches or shoots of trees.

I feel like I just want to enjoy life and spend time with my daughter who is about to turn two, which is full-time job and the hardest job I've ever had in my life.

A heart to resolve, a head to contrive, and a hand to execute.

The world is gonna try to clean you up, what the f**k you gonna do about it? You're gonna say, "I wanna stay ugly".

Architects see the world a certain way, and cooks see and smell the world a certain way. [Dancing ] is always been my lens, what I use to see.

As individuals we are strong. Together, with God, we are unstoppable.

If there is any single factor that makes for success in living, it is the ability to draw dividends from defeat.