Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

But the beauty is in the walking -- we are betrayed by destinations.

He could lose himself in the copper warmth of her eyes. Except, no, this wasn't losing himself. This was finding something precious.

Rich is my word for someone who can afford to make choices, who has enough resources to do more than merely survive.

In short, then, the religious cult is based upon the representations of sorcery between man and man, and the sorcerer is older than the priest.

I cross out words so you will see them more

I am not made of steel. Rage. I...am made... of RAGE!!!!

It's frustrating when you want to play but can't. I didn't touch a racket for three weeks and when I started playing again last week, I still felt some pain in my wrist.

But winter lingering chills the lap of May.

As far as being a coach, it's always fascinated me. It's a greater responsibility than most people give it credit for because you're dealing with people.

War is a matter of vital importance to the state.