Pay attention; don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

People say how do you live alone? My response-I have time for myself not for loneliness...

I want to warn you. I'm going to kiss you, and you're going to like it.A lot.

There is something in me-I just can't stand to admit defeat.

No bribes. Nothing that passes under the roof of a temple Or under the roof of the mouth, can appease heaven's anger Or deflect its aim.

Work is the price which is paid for reputation.

I believe we must seek God's will, never presuming to identify it with our own program or power.

Study always to have Joy, for it befits not the servant of God to show before his brother or another sadness or a troubled face.

I'm in the woods with Dr. Doolittle.

Caring is love. And love fights! Love doesn't look for the path of least resistance.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"