People alive are better than people not alive.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Be happy, not contented.

Your best teacher is the person offering you your greatest challenge.

It seems safe to say that significant discovery really creative thinking does not occur with regard to problems about which the thinker is lukewarm.

Life has a way of overgrowing its achievements as well as its ruins.

Precocious talents mature slowly if at all.

There is no normal life; it's just an idea we've been fed. People who realize that tend to be the happiest.

The happiest marriages are full of alternative lives, lived in the head, unknown to the partner.

The only place their voices were left was in my head. It was better than being alone but it was so, so lonely.

Objective judgement, now, at this very moment. Unselfish action, now, at this very moment. Willing acceptance - now, at this very moment - of all external events. That's all you need.

Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.