People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Imagine a world full of love.

I knew you were the one when I realized your smile was my heaven, your laugh my favorite song, and your arms my home.

Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is.

The ones that work out really and ones that become something to the audience, those are the most important people.

for me the most fun of my career is to bring a little bit of irreverence to characters. And, you know, I don't think that the producers were expecting me to be as irreverent as I am.

Meeting Justin Bieber was interesting. We were backstage at The Voice, and he was there premiering his "Boyfriend" music video. I was in six-inch heels, so I was towering over him like a giant.

It's nice to live through a good moment and be able to share it with someone else. Otherwise, what sense would it have? Selfishly, it doesn't give you that much.

It is a sober truth that people who live only to amuse themselves work harder at the task than most people do in earning their daily bread.

WOMEN WHO STEPPED UP WERE MEASURED AS CITIZENS OF THE NATION, NOT AS WOMEN...THIS WAS A PEOPLE'S WAR, AND EVERYONE WAS IN IT.

Either i've turned stupid, or life's turned hard.