People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

Because if I lost her, I would be lost, too.

P3- every simple need to which an institutional answer is found permit the invention of a new class of poor and a new definition of poverty

I read a lot of F. Scott Fitzgerald. I love 'Tender is the Night,' and its atmosphere of doomed romance. He was one of the greatest prose stylists, with a wonderfully clear but lyrical quality.

With parents, that's the only way sometimes that they can get across to their kids is by giving them an ultimatum.

Love endows us with a sort of personal religion; we respect another live within ourselves.

Reality is nourishment, but people don't believe it, I guess it's hard to stomach the truth like a bulimic.

Iraq is a quagmire and has been a humanitarian disaster for the Iraqis. There is no way forward without ending the occupation.

Culture is for old people. When you're young you have your body, and that's all you need.

I'm on a search for the truth.

Geometry is the noblest branch of physics.