People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding.

Live each day like it’s your best.

The process of re-writing and writing and re-writing means that you may have a brilliant phrase, but over time it distills and distorts and changes.

...you have to reach for things beyond your grasp, or what is heaven for

Conspiracy theories abound in American politics. I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs.

We believe that peace is at hand.

The thing that usually gets me through the writing is that my feelings of wretched inadequacy are irregularly punctuated by brief flashes of omnipotence.

Don’t portray yourself as who you want to be. Portray yourself as who you are.

The thing that's very close in the process is writing and acting, not directing. Directing's very different.

I do tend to take lines from other lines I like, and then write around them.