People are more interested in someone who goes on stage and tells the truth.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Modern food may be the most compelling lie humans have ever told.

You shall not be afraid to hear bad news. God will strength you.

Happiness is dependent on self-discipline. We are the biggest obstacles to our own happiness. It is much easier to do battle with society and with others than to fight our own nature.

I began to learn what poverty meant. It was burnt in my heart then that my father had to beg for work and there came the resolve that I would cure that when I got to be a man.

In their poverty, the mentally handicapped reveal God to us and hold us close to the gospel.

Here I am in the state of New Mexico. George Bush is still in the state of denial. New Mexico has five electoral votes. The state of denial has none. I like my chances.

Maybe the Clinton chapter is over now. They've brought enough disgrace to America, the presidency, and the state department. They corrupted the Justice Department.

What I had thought of before as God, I met today in a human being.

By placing intelligence at the edges rather than control in the middle of the network, the Internet has created a platform for innovation.

We have to go for what we think we're fully capable of, not limit ourselves by what we've been in the past