People are questioning if Ted Cruz can legally run for president because he was born in Canada. And the last thing we want to do is pave the way for a President Bieber.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

In storms look for rainbows

To commune with God is to understand love because God is love

If you're a dope like me, you get every sports channel you can get. I'm watching, you know, Netherlands soccer.

Christmas in L.A. is weird. There's no snow. It's not even cold.

No one is shallow and vulgar forever; sooner or later the whole species likes to be profound.

I think that's what I love about my life. There's no maniacal master plan. It's just unfolding before me.

The wider world is a click away, but whether we mean to or not, we're usually filtering it out.

We find ourselves in what I consider to be the most challenging, difficult, threatening time since World War II because of this War on Terror.

Never make excuses for someone who disrespects you-who they are or what they do isn't a pass to treat you like trash!

I wear a lot of tight dresses, so I'm like, 'I need to do my sit-ups!'