People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.

Wouldn't the world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes?

The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.

I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.

You need to update your blog a couple of times a week. You need to post a Twitter here and there. It feels so dumb to say that stuff, but it's important for me to keep that presence going.

You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower.

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I had about the same subject.

You never leave your partner! Especially in a fire!

Turn your heart into a temple of beauty and kindness.With tears of love, wash the world from hatred and sadness.

Think twice as much as others.Study twice as much as others.Work twice as much as others.Give twice as much as others.

Everyone has scars. Cowards conceal them. The brave reveal them.

[Working with survivors] it's just a whole different level of concern and that is something that was categorically different working on this film than any other project we had done.

I'm lucky - I don't feel any pressure.

Grab reality by the balls and squeeze.

And Nature takes no account of moral consequences, of arbitrary conditions which we create, and which we feel obliged to maintain at any cost.

I have a terrifying long list of fears. Literally everything - diseases, spiders... and people getting tired of me.

A mind that has seen, and suffered, and done, speaks to us of what it has tried and conquered.