People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Within her simple, terrified mind, swift calculations of distance and speed were at work, and her face advertised the disappointing results.

People are more likely to remember the great social interaction they had with a colleague than the great meeting they both attended.

Equality is a myth to protect the weak. some of us are strong in the Force, others are not. Only a fool believes otherwise.

I intend no modification of my oft-expressed wish that all men everywhere could be free.

Courage is more important than confidence

[Heraclitus' language] dispenses with lightness and artificial decoration, foremost out of disgust for humanity and out of [his own] defiant feeling.

I just want to go back to rockin', but I'm uncertain as to what to actually do. The truth is, I never stopped thinking about rock'n'roll for a second that I'm on holiday.

I once read that in any good marriage, one partner is the gardener and the other is the garden. We take it in turns to be either.

Everyone has to blame something for the way the world is.

Let it be fact, one feels, or let it be fiction; the imagination will not serve under two masters simultaneously.