People can tell the truth much more freely when they're apparently lying.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

May the music rock and the guys be hot

We do not know how life began.

Your career is your business.

How do we know where we're going? Follow the moon! Remember, the moon is always over Hollywood, and Needles isn't far from Hollywood.

To me, it was clear proof of the existence of supersymmetry, the idea that every particle has a partner. She was mine.

The conversation ran as fluidly as the tea out of the samovar’s crooked nose.

Rioting is not revolutionary.

Money may not buy love, but fighting about it will bankrupt your relationship.

Faith sir! She looks like the Old Course.

I liked the Beastie Boys and A Tribe Called Quest and Cypress Hill.