People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

But just because you love something, I added to myself, doesn't mean you'll ever be great. Not if you don't work. Most people stink at the things they love.

Ironically, the only people anyone believes these days are the skeptics.

Jesus soon is coming, and Christmas too, Good reason for being happy, Helping people to do.

We have unfinished personal business I do believe.” He smiled. “And I do love to make you blush.”

I don't sign contracts for my books.

Where you're from only matters in relation to where you are.

Every piece of art will be if it's lucky enough to be dug up, if there's anything to dig up.

I belong to no religion. My religion is love. Every heart is my temple.

Don't create for the masses. Create for the people who are your kind of weird.

When I heard Elvis Presley, then I knew I had to do music. Music is my god, and is the only love that has never left me. It has always been there and is my best friend.