People don't die from the old diseases any more. They die from new ones, but that's Progress, isn't it? Isn't it?

You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid.

K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... anything that keeps people stupid is a felony.

The world is turning into a cesspool of imbeciles.

You must never be afraid to go there.

They minute people fall in love they become liars.

Posing the question: does the god of love use underarm deodorant, vaginal spray and fluoride toothpaste?

Anymore, no one's mind is their own.

It's HE-RO, " the boy argued."No, " the girl insisted, "it's HER-O.

If California is any indicator, I'm proud that the public here saw right through it and registered in record numbers and voted in record numbers.

Mind your own business and don't eat junk food. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, work hard and love what you do.

I have a belief that life isn't about balance, because balance is perfection Rather, it's about catching the ball before it hits the floor.

Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?

Democracy will be dead by 1950.

Leave people alone when they tell you to leave them alone. If they mean it, they need it.

Restless sunflower; cease to move.

You don't even have to win a championship every year to draw the fans. You just have to show you're really trying.