People don't like it when you make fun of a celebrity. When you make fun of a celebrity, you'll hear from really loyal fans of that celebrity.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain.

The History of computers is amazing... people which tell the story are looking like they are having fun.

A fire is born long before its first flame.

How well I know you by your deeds and how invariably you succeed in living down to what one expects of you!

Most science is only high falutin' nature studies.

Once upon a time, I thought that politics was the name we gave to our higher instincts. That was before Margaret Thatcher, who came to power when I was 11 years old.

It's a melting pot, southern Africa. You find these cultural collisions that result in art and music, and it's pretty amazing.

detachment, n. Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it.

And fortunately, I haven't had any problem with my voice. I've been able to sing at a level of consistency that the people are expecting.

Every time you go to the zoo, you prolong the captivity of the animals there! If no one goes to the zoos, there will be no zoos! Destroying the evil is very simple and it is in your hand!