People don’t like to be lectured to, but if you can make them laugh, their defenses come down, and for the time being they’ve accepted whatever truth is embedded in your humor.

As long as the government can arbitrarily decide which substances are legal and which are illegal, then those who remain behind bars for illegal substances are political prisoners

There is indeed a business like show business. It's the news.

I Used To Believe In Reincarnation, But That Was In a Past Life.

For years, reality has been nipping at the heels of satire. Now, it's finally caught up. I don't need to make this stuff up.

I had become an atheist at the age of thirteen, when atomic bombs were dropped on Japan.

English is my second language. Laughter is my first.

I guess I'm a spiritual secularist, if that's not an oxymoron. My paths of secularism and spirituality are the same: I try to do the appropriate thing at each moment.

Since I was both an atheist and an absurdist, I had decided that the most absurd thing I could do would be to develop an intimate relationship with the God I didn't believe in.

Avoid internalizing society's sexism, racism, ageism - pick an ism, any ism.

Irreverence is our only sacred cow.

The joy of writing.The power of preserving.Revenge of a mortal hand.

A consciously exaggerated compliment is an offense.

If anything happens to me, tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way, they'll have to reevaluate me.

Men can be attracted but not forced to the faith. You may drive people to baptism, (but) you won't move them one step further in religion.

If you do anything above party, the true hearted ones of all parties sympathize with you.

The plague did not lead to Europe’s economic collapse. Rather, Europe’s currency-driven economic collapse led to the plague.

'Dare to Discipline' was published in 1970 in the midst of the Vietnam War and a culture of rebellion. The book was written in that context, but the principles of child rearing have not changed.

I wanted to work in the arts. My dream come true would be to be an architectural historian and work with the royal palaces and all the fabulous art collections. But I'm not committed enough.

One of the weaknesses of the company now is it is a bit cheap and cheerful and overly nasty, and that reflects my personality.

I think we have to do something about the environment and how we are polluting the planet.