People entertain me more than I entertain them.

I always give homeless people money, and my friends yell at me, 'He's only going to buy more alcohol and cigarettes.' And I'm thinking, 'Oh, like I wasn't?'

Kids? It's like living with homeless people. They're cute but they just chase you around all day long going, 'Can I have a dollar? I'm missing a shoe! I need a ride!

The bus scares me. Way too many gross people on the bus. Sixty-five people on the bus and I was the last one on. I felt like calling Unsolved Mysteries. 'Yeah, I found everybody.

I bowled for two years in college, because I was drunk and needed shoes.

I don't have a computer. I'm going to wait until that whole fad is over. I was suckered in on the Pet Rock. Not twice, people.

I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.

Some people are mean, and when you look at their page, they only write mean things, but I have a great time with a twitter person. It's not even to promote myself, just to entertain me.

... Man is not truly one, but truly two... even if I could rightly be said to be either, it was only because I was radically both...

When your intuition speaks, listen. When your ego speaks, shut it up.

A hero would die for his country, but he'd much rather live for it.

Led Zeppelin is just a bunch of stupid idiots who wrote cool riffs.

At the moment my art is situated between the pornographic tendency to reveal everything and the erotic inclination to hide what it's all about.

Film has lost something in the translation to high tech. It's become so super-real. It's with digital this and stereo that, and everything's like a CD.

Psychotic hallucinations, whether they are visual or vocal, they address you. They accuse you. They seduce you. They humiliate you. They jeer at you. You interact with them.

I like to layer when I fly - the climate always changes from the airport to the plane to the new city.

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.