People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Think about it, if you can pick up on the vibes and thoughts of others then surely you can send out your own vibes and thoughts to others with a little conscious effort!

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.

Losing fights, or even winning fights, can be heartbreaking, and you can throw that away, but the truth is that it does make our lives better.

The thing about movies these days is that the commerce end of it is so inflated and financiers are just expecting this enormous return on their investment.

I care about you," Simon said. "I always cared about you.

Anybody that's been through a divorce, and I hope it's something people never have to experience, it's the worse thing in the world.

When I heard Little Richard, I mean, it just set my world on fire.

When you make a documentary film, after many years the only thing you remember is what you put into the film, not what you took out.

I always felt my writing could benefit from the attention of established writers. I knew my work could grow and be better.

I do want to do TV, but I'm looking to be a creator, writer, and producer, and perhaps I could be a recurring character. Do 10 shows a year, something like that.