People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome?

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

I can be a romantic. The way to every woman's heart is through her stomach. Food is at the core of everything.

The fact is all golfers are equipment junkies and professional golfers are the worst of the lot. They'll do anything to find the perfect putter even though they'll insist no such instrument exists.

I never ate of the grapes nor feared of the eruptions.

Wherever any one is against his will, that is to him a prison.

Poetry is everywhere; it just needs editing.

If you think in terms of topping, you're in the wrong business. You can't think that way.

Throughout history there have been black people who have played mammies, all sorts of offensive images, who didn't mind doing it.

While working in advertising, I channelled my creative energy into elaborate escape fantasies: cake making, dog breeding, the Peace Corps.

One form of loneliness is to have a memory and no one to share it with.

I hate you! (Artemis) Don’t keep saying that, Artie. It’s cruel to get my hopes up. (Acheron)