[People] might turn into [Donald] Trump supporters who think, "Hey, I get what women are saying." So any chance I get to have people listen that should hear me is good.

I finally understand that it’s okay to be a little afraid of things but that obsessing over them does not mean you have any more control over what you fear.

People said to me, "You know, when you record a special, you're going to regret it. The one thing you'll regret because you're a comic is you'll think of better tags."

I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.

I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that.

Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, "Oh god."

I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of my natural talent - I'm not saying I'm that talented, but I have enough acting and writing talent to go.

What I found out about myself was I am not someone who doesn't believe in marriage.

I used to make albums because I wasn't touring, and so I thought, "This is the best way for people to find out about me.

Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs.

The charity that hastens to proclaim its good deeds, ceases to be charity, and is only pride and ostentation.

if only people stopped acting like they've been asked to donate a lung every time somebody asks for something the world would be a better place

...did you know that in your eyes there are bright flecks of green and orange - and that they are lovely?...

Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone about you and you will be surprised what a happy life you will live.

It is my principle that the will of the majority should always prevail.

It's a floor cleaner and a dessert topping.

I live in a world where there's magazines and blogs, and people feel like they are allowed to criticize me, and in the meanest way.

A restless spirit who can't reach his goal, can't find a home until I've found my soul.

Every day is an opportunity disguised as a challenge.

Perhaps immortality is a gift of heaven rather than the result of some human effort.