People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

If God does not give you something you ask for wait on Him. He will speak with you tenderly and sympathetically about the matter until you yourself understand that He cannot grant your prayer.

Virtue is an inner strength. It expands your nature.

If you're happy, you eat. If you're sad, you eat. You lose a job, you eat. You get a job, you eat. It's, you know, it's addiction.

At the working man’s house, hunger looks in but dares not enter.

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

UFO's attitude toward the subject is very similar to mine. It's not an advocacy; its philosophy is more I want to believe this, but I want it proved.

I am that which I am, and I am willing to allow all others to be that which they are.

Chance is a name for our ignorance.

My father was an extraordinary man.

He shows a greater mind who does not restrain his laughter, than he who does not deny his tears.