People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

I live each day with fullness of thanks.

Oh, Alan Ryves, " she said. "You're such a fantastic liar. You are the smoothest con man of them all.

The problem with all these fiercely individualistic girls was that they were all exactly the same.

There is a season for everything, patience will reward you and reveal all answers to your questions.' 'Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away.

To call someone a Christian simply because he does some Christian-y things is giving false comfort to the unsaved.

No one making less than $250,000 under Barack Obama's plan will see one single penny of their tax raised, whether it's their capital gains tax, their income tax, investment tax, any tax.

We have no control over outcomes, but we can control the process. Of course, outcomes matter, but by focusing our attention on process, we maximize our chances of good outcomes.

I'm a tough guy, but I'm a good guy, I'm durable because when you play football they want you being tough, not just because you sprain your ankle crying "Mama, mama!"

Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat.

Where there is a will there is a way.