People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.

The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go.

Armchair hater, I wouldn't piss on your coffin But when I see your picture I draw dicks on it.

When people call me Sir Anthony I just think oh, that's a bit odd. But I'm not cynical about it. Um, I just feel more comfortable being called Tony or Mr. Hopkins, whatever name I'm called.

Hangout with people who respect you. And people who inspire you.

I was only halfway to the record and it seemed like it took me a long time. I feel like that one will never be broken. That record will never be touched.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

I think that there was a fad where everyone said, "I want you to create a signature step for my artist." The thing is, for me, music creates the step. The artist commands the step, you know?

You either learn from your experiences or go back and do the same thing, and I learned from my experiences.

I am the mother of the wicked, as I am the mother of the virtuous. Never fear. Whenever you are in distress, say to yourself, ‘I have a mother.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.