People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

God is busy and has no time for you.

We love to love and feel loved because love is the greatest pleasure of all.

No matter what accomplishments you make somebody helped you.

It doesn't feel good when you have to struggle to get your pants on.

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

Our downfall as a species is that we are arrogant enough to think that we can control Mother Nature and stupid enough to think it is our job.

You need to think about the system that you live in and the comforts that you have. But the comforts that you have that are causing the discomforts of a massive amount of people around the world.

Sun, silence, and happiness.

Give your customers what they want today, and help them see tomorrow.

And I don't really like golf. I know a lot of English footballers play, but I know that if I go with the club to play, sooner or later I will end up trying to smash the ball with my foot.