People say that life is a cesspool of darkness and dispair. Well we of Van Halen are sailing through it in a yacht!

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

Zookeeper foible #1: Tendency to not equate fur and scale with fracture and scar.

Don't tie your heart to a person that has nothing left to offer you. Let it go. It might hurt for a while, but when you get over it, you'll see that its better.

Andrew Saul is John Hall in a business suit. He's wrong on the war, on national security, immigration, abortion. He's Sue Kelly all over again.

There's always a time for change, and you should never be frightened of it.

God will never allow any action against you that is not in accord with His will for you. And His will is always directed to our good.

In our faith we follow in someone's steps. In our faith we leave footprints to guide others. It's the principle of discipleship

I've definitely read stuff that I've been offered, where I've been like, "I can't do this. I think somebody would be better in this than me."

I seem to have emerged from the relative obscurity of TV.

It does take a little work to be a vegetarian but it's so worth it, oh it's so worth it!

God has a place and purpose for you, somewhere for you to be and something for you to do. You never will be happy elsewhere, nor can you please God anywhere but there.