People think I am crazy because they see me doing stand-up, but I am generally not. I am very sad. I'm one of those guys that lights candles and listens to Rachmaninoff.

Texas is the crossroads of the world. Everything here is big.

I'm one of those people that will walk into a bar, and if I wasn't a comic - because some people know who I am - I would just blend in.

I guess I am handsome - in certain parts of the world. If I was, like, in Mongolia, living on a mountain and in my village, I could be the hottest guy. In L.A., I'm ... average?

It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my finger is on the pulse.

As I get older, I don't think the world is becoming that funny. Comedy is changing a bit.

With Bitcoin hard-coded to be limited, it’s like a collectible.

I think people just think I am crazy because they see me doing stand-up, but I am generally not. I am very sad. I'm one of those guys that lights candles and listens to Rachmaninoff.

If you raise a daughter to be both independent and an excellent marksman, you have to accept the fact that your control over her actions is at an end.

The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion […] but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact

Froth at the top dregs at bottom but the middle excellent.

It's great to design a beautiful, modern, sleek home like you'd see in a magazine. But if it doesn't suit your lifestyle, it's really wasted.

Science has not solved difficulties, only shifted the points of difficulty.

Suffering, if it does not diminish love, will transport us to the furthest shore.

Never hold anyone by the button or the hand in order to be heard out; for if people are unwilling to hear you, you had better hold your tongue than them.

In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children.

He felt as though his heart were a bomb, a complicated bomb that would result in a simple explosion, wrecking the world without rocking it.

If you need drugs to be a good writer, you are not a good writer.